The Rise of The Phoenix
How does “The Rise of The Phoenix” play a relevant role for each of us in our incarnate lives here? To be reborn out of the ashes to fly higher, lighter, freer? How do we actually apply and accomplish this metaphorical majesty?
We each walk our own path alone, yet we are linked to one another by the same code. The cycle of growth is just that, a cycle. The Phoenix burning into ashes and being reborn from that which he/she was into a more evolved state of being.
Does this involve struggle? hardship? It often does because we so identify with our human existence that we can lock into our roles or more accurately, what we feel are roles to be. Surrender, being willing to open doors to new beliefs, to trust walking through these doors into more expansive possibilities, are born through the cycle of the Phoenix within you.
It does not have to involve struggle. It can be a powerful release, a letting go just as the trees let go of their leaves, their outer covering, their identity for the cycle of Winter, trusting they shall grow anew with the coming of Spring. We humans tend to cling, afraid if we let go we will loose everything and then where will we be? Sometimes we think an unhealthy situation is better than an unknown one. I do not make light of this process for it requires courage, intention and trust.
Embraced By The Earth
For me, life brought me an opportunity for freeing parts of myself which were no longer serving me well through the option of partaking in a very powerful, frightening and intense ceremony. I do not tend to feel scared by what others fear, as my life path has meandered through some very unusual and unchartered territory. What does unsettle me others may not blink at or perhaps they would...
This ceremony tested me on all fronts, from my psyche to my soul. You may ask why then? Did I have something to prove? Why do something that so unhinged me? I sat with these questions for some time before contacting the individual holding this ceremony. I vetted him and he me as this was not for the faint of heart.
I knew, I absolutely felt within all of me that I HAD to walk through this death and rebirth of the Phoenix, this rite of passage into a more intimate relationship with myself, Earth and Spirit if I was to be able to put down the weights I had been carrying. The ceremony was safe, I want to assure you, yet extremely unnerving.
To keep to the core of why I am sharing this here with you on my website, I shall say this: The ceremony involved preparation over a matter of weeks including writing, meditation, holding very clear intentions, unraveling fears, being with any emotions that leaped and pulsed through me, who I felt myself to be and where I wanted my life to go...
I knew Mother Earth would help me through this experience but this would come by pushing me to new limits within myself.
I have never before written about this experience. The ceremony involved preparing myself for the end of my life, as though I was literally walking to the day and time that my life here was going to close. It involved writing letters to all of those whom I loved, saying what I truly needed to say to them as well as to those people whom I had hurt and whom I felt had hurt me. These letters were not actually given to anyone as they were to be burned in the fire part of the ceremony. The level of intention and dedication to this process was a personal choice.
I had nightmares for the 3 weeks leading up to the ceremony itself. I would wake with cold sweats, shaking and crying out. I do not have fear of dying but I have always had fear of small confined spaces. Being closed in, which can represent many aspects of life, went to the heart of this ceremony and to those pieces I needed to heal and free from myself.
On the day of the ceremony, I met the other 5 women who were participating, each for their own deeply personal reasons. We were all there to hold space for one another and for ourselves.
I walked slowly on the earth, listening, shaking, sweating, as I carried my shovel, feeling for the place that would be holding me through this. I stopped by a great tree and chose her. I felt her roots would help me through the night to come.
I, we each began, shovel full by shovel full, each in our own space, digging, struggling, crying, shaking. I was acutely aware of everything around me. I was digging my own grave. Yes, my own grave. It may sound absurd, but I assure you it was and is one of the more extraordinary experiences I have undertaken in this life. Though, this did not quench my rapid heartbeat or emotional turbulence. Imagining leaving my child was among all of the other questions pulsing through me...Was I the person I wanted to be, did I feel I had accomplished anything of true importance? etc etc.
Digging my own grave and having to periodically lie down and measure myself felt so surreal, part of me could not even grasp what I was actually doing.
That evening after preparing our graves and having had time to go write, meditate, walk, whatever we each chose for our "imagined" last hours on earth, we met to begin the fire ceremony. This lasted for hours and we each walked through the gateways of our lives, sharing, pouring forth all that we needed to expel. vulnerable and raw we sat going round and round walking through all we needed to expunge as well as cherish and hold sacred.
I shall not share here about my experience that night as that is something to be shared in a special speaking engagement, with a room of people ready to go to that space, who want to step into new possibility. It was profound. It was terrifying. It was extraordinary. It was blessed.
I shall say that it took every fiber of my being, every ounce of my courage and my ability to climb down into my grave and lie there while covering my eyes as the board was placed just inches above me. Leaving nothing but a small air hole to my left, I clutched this man’s hand though the air hole, feeling a desperate trust for this human I barely knew, even knowing that if for any reason, I needed to forfeit, I could be gotten out in minutes.
There is no description that could possibly touch upon all I walked through that night from the moment I heard the first shovel full of dirt drop on top of my tiny earth compartment, to listening to the last shovel full of dirt being removed and hearing the board being slid back from my grave just enough for me to glimpse the dawn's first light the next morning, Easter Morning.
I held onto the roots of the tree that came through the soil next to me all night, listening to the sound of insects in the soil around me, to the drum beating rhythmically, wet with the sounds of weeping. Sacred sacraments unfolding as we all lay like spokes in a wheel pointing away from the center where burned the fire and the heart beat of life.
Upon viewing the sunrise from my grave where I was to rise anew, I looked up and high in the sky I glimpsed a great bird who was slowly, effortlessly moving with the winds higher and higher until he/she passed out of sight.
It was on this morning that I accepted my name, Amita. She did not come from this ceremony but through a different channel, though very much connected to this ceremony but this is another story. As I smelled the flowers I had placed upon my grave, their smell exploded through my senses. All of the colors and smells, all things felt different and new. I opened the card that I had written to myself full of such love, gentleness and self acceptance than I believe I had ever shown myself. I wept with tears of emotion, gratitude and awe. Perhaps the way the first drops of rain must feel like upon the skin of desert sands.
I had indeed been Embraced by The Earth and Risen as the Phoenix. There are many roads up the mountain and I share this, my personal journey in the hopes that you are inspired to seek your way. to Work and Rise and Re-Connect more deeply to your heart and your soul. Uncover yourself and allow the thermal to help lift you up, to fly higher within yourself and back into The Soul of The World.